Ancient civilisations like the American Indians and Australian Aborigines have a completely different attitude. They live in close harmony with nature and respect all its creatures. Their nomadic habits mean that they do not stay in one place long enough to build lasting attachments. They are simply guests on the earth, ‘borrowing’ the resources that nature generously provides until they move on to the next ‘provider’ or water hole. For that reason they do not even have a word for ‘own’ in their vocabulary and cannot understand the concept of ownership. Consequently they don’t spend too long feeling sorrowful when they leave something behind, because it wasn’t theirs to take in the first place!
Conversely, the majority of humans in the ‘modern’ world attach so much importance to owning ‘material things’ that they have developed a huge fear of losing ‘their’ belongings. This fear is so great that it is not uncommon for man to spend a lifetime collecting as much as he/she can so as to avert any possibility of lack and to ward off this huge fear of loss. Of course, we all know that eventually when we die we cannot take anything with us. All those possessions are left behind and we return from whence we came as naked as the day we were born.
This desire to be the owner of things should not be confused with the human need for self-preservation or basic survival. We all need to feel protected and safe but somehow we have become confused. It seems we have developed a limiting belief that the more we surround ourselves with things we own, the bigger our illusion of safety and security becomes. It is no wonder that we are afraid to let go of what we have and yet that is the only way to make a change.
Like the story of the teacup as told by Bruce Lee in his book “Artist of Life’. There was a learned man who went to a Zen master to inquire about Zen. As the Zen master talked, the learned man would frequently interrupt him with remarks like ‘Oh yes, we have that too’, and so forth. Finally the Zen master stopped talking and began to serve tea to the learned man; however he kept on pouring and the teacup overflowed. ‘Enough! No more can go into the cup!’ the learned man interrupted. ‘Indeed, I see,’ answered the Zen master. ‘If you do not first empty your cup, how can you taste my cup of tea?’
When we let go of something old, we make room for new things to come into our life. In the same way that nomadic tribes could move from one place to another, without attachment, we could learn to let go of old habits, old possessions, old beliefs and move on to new experiences, new ways of living. In NLP we can easily identify these negative habits or behaviours that are holding us back from growing and developing. We are able to reframe loss and let go of the things that do not serve us, so that we can move on to a more positive and beneficial existence.
In the Zen philosophy of non-attachment, we learn to accept whatever life brings, without fear or distress or resistance. It is our attachment to things, our resistance to change and our refusal to let go that causes so much misery. If we weren’t so paranoid about holding on to the status quo, to what we have acquired, earned, bought, learned, received, etc., we would be less worried about losing it. As human beings it is inevitable that we will experience the emotion of loss and it is important to acknowledge that pain. However, the emotion is transitory and will pass provided we do not resist the change and allow the natural rhythm of life to ebb and flow.
When we recognize that we have become inordinately attached to something e.g. our books, car, clothes, etc. and we finally let go, we become aware of a discernable lightness, dare I say, relief. How much time and energy is wasted stubbornly holding on to old beliefs and arguing about them! Remember people once believed that the world was flat! I always thought I was a model of minimalistic living, until recently when I decided to move. How I agonized over what to take with me and what to leave behind! The things I had owned over the years had somehow become a cloak, a mantel for my life – they almost defined who I had become. What would happen if I shook them off, where would I be?
Is it our lack of faith or trust in a benign universe that causes us to hold on to the status quo? Or perhaps it is a lack of faith in our own ability to find something better, to replace what we have accumulated or become over time with something else? Have you noticed how peer pressure keeps us stuck in the old ways? How uncomfortable others become when we change our mind, our beliefs or lifestyle, even our structure of living.
Dr. Wayne Dyer tells a story about the time he went to a local radio station to be interviewed. He had been there many times before and was therefore well known by the staff. On this particular occasion he noticed that everyone was looking very gloomy and barely spoke to him. When he asked them what was the matter he discovered that they had been made redundant. His response was ‘how wonderful, you can turn your loss into an opportunity for change and move on to pastures new.’ At first they were shocked by his comment but when he questioned them more deeply many of them admitted that they could now pursue their dreams and that their forced redundancy had made them reevaluate their lives.
Most people do not like to let go of their comfortable existence, but it is the very act of discomfort that moves us forward in positive and interesting ways. Likewise we often find it hard to accept new ideas, new concepts because society teaches us to play it safe and follow the herd. Yet, when we make those changes, when we change our mind about life, we find that life changes its mind about us.
Janet Deeb
http://www.blazelightaround.com
from an idea by Carol at Matrix Training
http://www.matrix-training.com
