Are you ready for an upgrade

Last week I found myself sitting in a premier cinema in Dubai watching the inaugural presentation of the film ‘Eat, Pray, Love’. The fact that they had made a movie out of the book was sufficient enticement, though the added bonus of first class seating, with reclining chairs and waitress service, had my friend and I giggling at our bravado and the sheer decadence of the experience.

That started me thinking. I often treat others by giving them my full attention, in terms of time, support, interest etc., but how often do I treat myself to something special? When was the last time I bought myself a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates or had an exotic meal? Some of you might question the wisdom of such ‘egocentric’ behaviour, arguing that it is a waste of money or self-indulgent nonsense. However, I would bet that you wouldn’t think twice if someone else had offered to indulge you and was paying for it.

Why is it that we believe it is ok for someone else to indulge us, but when we treat ourselves we consider it wrong or sinful? This limiting belief usually stems from our cultural upbringing, where we are taught from an early age not to be selfish and to always think of others before ourselves. The New Age thinkers interpret this ‘self indulgence’ differently. Nowadays we are being encouraged to be selfish in a selfless way, because only when we love or appreciate ourselves, can we love and appreciate others.

Those of us who are reluctant to spend money or put some effort into the occasional indulgence, might ask where else are we holding back in our lives? Since money is only a form of energy exchange, our reluctance to spend tells us a lot about our general attitude. I used to laugh when a friend of mine started buying flowers for herself and making a romantic dinner for one. She had decided there was not enough romance in her life and determined to do something about it. Within a very short period of time she had a partner who was doing exactly the same for her. So I stopped laughing. You might call it coincidence, but it is demonstrated by Quantum Physics that what we put out we have to get back.

‘A Course in Miracles’ says that whatever is missing in your life is proportional to what you are not giving. Marianne Williamson paraphrases it in her book, ‘A Return to Love’, as ‘Only what you have not given can be lacking in any situation.’ Whenever I give something of myself, whether it be my time, money, effort, encouragement, compassion etc., it is always returned. It may not come from the same source but something always comes back. When we hold back, we stop this natural energy exchange and become like a silted up river.

Giving generates pleasure and sends a positive message to all the cells in our body that we are appreciated, which in turn sends out a similar signal to the universe. When we are happy we can’t help but share some of that good energy with others and it eventually comes back to us in some positive form or another and so the cycle continues.

There are many parables in the Bible, which encourage us to spend so that we shall receive, “For unto every one that hath shall be given and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.” St. Mathew 25.29. Here we are being admonished for holding on to what we have, instead of sharing with others so that our wealth multiplies. Even economic theory suggests that in times of slump, the government must inject more money into the economy to get it going again, rather than withholding it.

When we stop thinking lack and start behaving with an abundant attitude we tend to get abundance. Remember the story of Scrooge in ‘A Christmas Carol’ and how his miserly behaviour brought him misery and pain and by changing it to generosity of spirit, he became a different person? Now I am not suggesting that everyone should rush out and spend their last dime on some extravagance simply to prove that they love and value themselves or others. However, doing things that demonstrate the love, appreciation and respect you have for yourself are essential preludes to loving, appreciating and respecting others.

“Whether you want it or not, you’ll probably get it.” In other words, what we expect we get. Our expectations are instructions to the universe to deliver. Therefore, when we expect the best we get it, when we expect the worst we also get it. Prove it to yourself. Upgrade your thoughts about yourself and life will adjust itself accordingly. Think of yourself as a first class person and people will start treating you as if you really are.

Try this experiment. For the next week you will only accept the best for yourself. Think positive thoughts and do positive things. Whenever a negative thought rears its head, simply acknowledge it and throw it in the bin. Do your best to avoid negative people or always have a positive reframe for them. Keep a diary and write down all the positive things you noticed on a daily basis. Delete all the negatives from your memory. At the end of the week see how you feel. I predict that the payback will be worth far more than the payout.